Thursday, March 10
today's been bittersweet. it was sweet til i got home anyway.
followed my class into the fish tank.. and guess who was there.. then we kept walking past each other.. cos my group had to present our econs project to some visiting hods from other schs.. so we were at the bench during her break.. and i saw her from the canteen sitting sideways at her bench in a very ungirly manner.. looked up while walking in the inner plaza to lit and realised that she was right in front of me.. sort of, on the level above us in block a.. my friends 'chose wisely' again and i sat behind her again.. this time i didn't drop anything accidentally or not.. poked her friend [ i know her from ya] and said eh sorry i forgot your name again [i always do].. and she laughed and said 'just call her ben4 dan4'.. and her friend went ooii! and i just laughed and found out her name [again] and talked about ya stuff.. then she asked what we were talking abt and her friend said 'guides'.. then i was grumbling to my friends how the toilet hates me.. everytime i want to use it, it's either locked, being washed, or crowded.. and when i went, sure enough it was crowded.. she played some squares game with her classmates.. she changed her pencil case.. it's now a dark blue thirty seven degrees case that i like very much and would have chosen for myself.. haha.. after lit she walked behind me to her classroom a floor above mine. guess she definitely knows i exist now, since she looked straight at me and smiled and laughed and listened while we talked. but tmr we only have math lecture together and she sits at the other end. so i guess this marks the end of a good week in terms of my oh so interesting extra curricular activity. oh. yesterday, i said i hate football. as we were packing up after hist. and that during football season the tomboys don't pay me any attention. and she turned and stared at me. then i suddenly remembered she's in female soccer. oops. haha. like i meant the last bit larh. it was just for fun laughter peace and joy.
my grandma's condition's getting worse.. my mum told me after i left her eyes rolled up.. they're expecting it anytime soon.. i was standing there by the hospital bed.. and all i could think of was.. she's so small, so shrunken.. and i thought of brat. know it's damned inappropriate but i remembered how brat was when he passed away. so small and shrunken and frail. she had so many layers on.. saw her struggling to breathe.. and i wanted to ask, are you cold? but i don't speak cantonese. she thought i was michelle. she asked how i was doing. suddenly i miss pushing her around on her wheelchair. i miss her teasing my father although they can't understand each other. it could be anytime soon. i don't know.
it must've been love.
10:05 pm
xoxo
